In a collectivist society selfishness is treated as the antithesis of civilization. It easy to find articles on the evils of selfishness, but harder to find resources addressing the benefits. In fact, it is almost impossible to find many resources on it at all–apart from Ayn Rand quotes.

But she was right about the upside of selfishness. It is important to understand when to be selfish.

If society was filled with the type of selfishness that exploits and victimizes, clearly that would be bad. But positive selfishness can actually make society healthier.

What does good selfishness looks like compared to negative selfishness?

Negative Selfishness can be characterized by breaking the golden rule. If you use people for personal gain in a way that harms them; in a way that you would not like to be treated, that is negative selfishness. Think about the hypocritical politicians who make financial laws, but are exempt from insider trading rules. Or the ones who increase taxes, but do everything they can to avoid paying their own tax bill.

Positive Selfishness is making sure you take care of yourself. Making it a priority to eat right, exercise, maintain emotional health, and doing things you love that make you feel satisfied. And this means knowing when to draw the line with people who want something from you. People will drain you dry if you let them. Being the positive kind of selfish just means that you know when and how to break off from those who are just using you–whether they realize it or not.

Being selfish means knowing how to put your own needs first and only accept mutually beneficial opportunities. You don't have to see everyone else's needs as more important than your own.

Helping People is Important, so consider this: How many more people could you help if you were able to reach your goals and become wildly successful?

Is Self-Sacrifice Worth It?

From an early age, it is ingrained that selfishness is bad and that selflessness is good.

The problem is that the core concept here is a little warped. If you are constantly self-sacrificing is it a priority to take care of yourself? Not just in a physical sense, but on the emotional and mental levels too? What energy do you leave for yourself for your own fulfillment, satisfaction, happiness, and care?

Do you feel guilty for doing things for yourself? Or resentful when you sacrifice for others?

The truth is that there are a lot of people out there that work themselves to the bone for others while leaving very little for themselves. They don't make their own life or wellbeing a priority and can often end up broke or sick.

How Do I Know This?

Because I have lived it, and have learned a lot about both sides of it. I used to be very self-sacrificing. I found it an honorable and respectable way to be. Being a good person and doing the 'right' thing was always important to me. I extended myself for the sake of others, but often beyond my means until I had almost nothing left.

This sometimes included going hungry, giving away the last of my money, doing favors I didn't really have the resources to do, and failing to say 'no' when I needed too.

By failing to say 'no' to those who were using me, I ended up in bad situations that left me used, drained of my money, out a car, and the list goes on because it took me YEARS to snap out of it and reprogram myself.