The damning allegations began to come in despite the fact that Trump has yet to officially name a running mate or even disclose whether the pick is a man or a woman. Sources confirmed at least a dozen highly credible accusers emerged to demand justice against whoever the VP candidate might be.

"Whoever the VP pick is, I am here to tell my story of how I was inappropriately touched by them," claimed one accuser. "As soon as Trump sees fit to announce who his running mate is, I'm going to positively identify him… or her. Whatever. No matter who he picks, they aren't going to get away with what they did. They must be held accountable!"

Other women quickly joined the ranks of accusers, suggesting Trump's eventual VP selection — no matter who it may end up being — has a long history of serious misconduct. "The person Trump picks as his running mate will not get away with the things we all know they did. Once he announces who it is, we'll know who to blame for what happened to all of us."

At publishing time, the DOJ had announced they would be charging Trump's VP pick with serious federal crimes, once they find out who it is.