Pity the poor president. "Joe Biden" must decide now whether to go to war with Iran or Texas. Which will it be? Or might it be both? That Governor Abbot turns out to be the Putin of the purple sage! How does he dare interfere with the orderly flow of new voters — fine people! — across that filthy little river of his? Does he not understand that we need at least a couple million more live bodies allocated around the swing states to ensure a free and fair election?

What does Hunter ("the smartest person I know") make of Dad's quandary, I wonder. With enough eau-de-coca on-board, Hunter must think in Biblical terms. . . great flowing Jacobean passages of elevated language: in my father's house are many mansions: Verily, verily, I say unto you, somewhere there is a room I left that little baggie in. . . but where. . . ? The works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Dad.

Well, forget Hunter. Everybody else has, thank goodness, at least for now. Let's face it: having a rage-filled addict in the family is tiresome. Anyway, Merrick Garland has got him covered with "an on-going investigation." (Questions? Sorry, can't answer any.)

"Joe Biden," in his on-going delirium-of-age wanders from room to room in the empty mansion that is his mind. How did I get in this room? he wonders. And how do I get out of it? Can somebody please point the way? Alas, his position is the loneliest in the world. There is no one to point the way out. There is only this ceaseless wandering from room to room in this vast emptiness. Where is the room with Texas in it? The room where Iran sleeps? The room where Ukraine lies a'gasp with a sucking chest wound? Watch out, he'll start shouting soon. Calling Dr. Jill: Code Blue. . . !

The world may be a disaster these days, but the White House is a bigger disaster. Can you name the White House chief of staff? Betcha can't. Know why? He never, ever comes out and speaks to that mob in the press room. He might have to answer some difficult questions, such as: if the president's brain is switched off more than half the time, who decides what to do with that 'nuclear football' they carry around with him. Is it. . . you? By the way, the chief of staff's name is Jeff Zients. Ever heard him? Of course not. He has a page on "X". The most recent thing he posted was July, 25, 2023. Good thing not much has happened since then.