I live in explicit defiance of the rules of good sleep hygiene. Rule one: Don't expose yourself to the blue light that's emitted from phones and computers before bed. (When else am I going to catch up on the day's hot takes?) Rule two: Sleep in a darkened bedroom. (I had't considered this when buying my gauzy curtains, which are sufficient to keep my neighbors from peeping but definitely not to block out their overactive security floodlights.) Rule three: No afternoon coffee. (Ha!)

Since middle school over a decade ago, my terrible sleeping habits have manifested in various literal failures to launch: waking up for an early-morning run is a laughable concept. I hit the snooze button, on average, four times every morning.