"Dear [Medieval serf paying into an insolvent pension fund]:"

(OK I added that part myself)

"Starting in August 2016, Social Security is adding a new step to protect your privacy. . ."

Whoa. Full stop. I love it already.

My dear Uncle Sam, who spends hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars to spy on absolutely friggin' everybody, is suddenly interested in protecting my privacy.

"This new requirement is the result of an executive order for federal agencies to provide more secure authentication for their online services."

This part is hilarious. The US government has been hacked so many times over the last several years that it is the laughing stock of global cybersecurity.