"Jill, you up? ….Dr. Jill, you awake?"

"Go back to sleep, Joe!  It's the middle of the night!"

"Mmm…OK"

Joe stared at the ceiling for a minute.  Maybe it was an hour, thinking, dreaming, half-awake, half asleep.  Where the hell is that red phone?  I remember distinctly that when I was a Congressman we had a red phone.  I saw it, it glistened in the sun like the hairs on my legs….

Joe gets up, and begins to wander around the room.  All of a sudden, he sees it, sitting on a small table,  across the room.  A 1960's style telephone, with a red light blinking.

He shuffles towards it.

Muscle memory takes over, and Joe picks up the receiver.  "Hello?"  He hears a voice he doesn't recognize, speaking slowly in accented English.  "Who's this?" he asks.  "This is Vladimir Putin! Good morning!  How can I help you?"

Joe goes blank for a minute, but then gets an idea.  He'll converse with Bad Vlad, because his staff never lets him do that, just like they try to limit his ice cream, and give him those little pills he doesn't like before a big speech.  It feels a little sneaky, and Joe has always loved getting away with something, and being under-estimated.  He's always been a naughty boy.  He feels like talking now, and no one can stop him.

"Vlad, you old devil!  I've been wanting to talk to you.  I need a big win, and I also need to make sure the CIA or Kamala doesn't make me I die in my sleep anytime soon.   Your army is freaking decimated, I said that to Time Magazine even before I said NATO weapons could strike inside Russia.  The best thing for Ukraine is for the war to continue.  I said that too.  How 'bout it, big guy?

"Mr President, I think perhaps there is information that is not getting to you, perhaps it is your staff or the various intelligence agencies in the West.  But I'm very glad you called.  You are known as a great maker of deals, an excellent negotiator.  I'm sure we can move in a direction that helps the West and also ensures there is a Ukraine."