Putin, he said, had originally called to deliver gloomy news: Russian forces had killed 163 American mercenaries in Ukraine since the start of his "special military operation."

"They had no business there in the first place," Trump reportedly replied.

But the conversation quickly segued into political discourse, with Putin proffering a soulful lamentation of "America's sad, sorry state." He told Trump he couldn't believe Americans stood idle while a criminal regime tanked a once great economy.

"They blame your economy woes on me. They say I am the reason your energy prices so high, the reason you have no food. This is laughable," Putin said.

Additionally, he expressed dismay over how easily myopic Americans were blindsided by blatant, obvious false flag attacks. He cited the Uvalde and Buffalo massacres as quintessential examples, saying he was not oblivious to American fake news, and that his enemies, primarily parliamentary opposition parties in the State Duma, had plotted many false flag strikes on Russian soil. "Now they all dead," he said, adding that Russia's Federal Service Bureau was exceedingly efficient at ferreting out traitors.