Editor's Note: Yes, this is satire.

Obesity is no longer an epidemic. Clearly, it is now a pandemic. A wide range of adverse health consequences directly correlated with obesity includes heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and cancer. Obesity is a problem that impacts not only the individual but everyone around them. Therefore the government has decided on a series of stringent mandates enforced by a Fitness Passport to make everyone healthier.

In 2008, the estimated annual medical cost of obesity in the United States totaled $147 billion. On average, medical expenses for obese individuals were $1429 higher than those at a healthy weight. Those additional expenses can cause a massive degree of financial strain to families who otherwise could use that money for education, healthy food, family outings, vacations, and other health-beneficial items. [source]

According to the WHO, as of 2016, 39% of the world's adult population was overweight, with 13% of adults being obese. 

Therefore, if we care about the health and livelihood of our friends and family, we need to do everything in our power to fight back against this deadly disease. That is why we must enforce the following series of restrictions as a nation and on a global scale.

Mandate #1: All people must stay home

Obesity is contagious via social ties. Therefore, we need to do everything to keep obese and overweight people away from everybody else.

If you truly love your parents, grandchildren, and kids, you wouldn't want to spread the risk of obesity to them – along with all the negative health consequences which follow. Obese people must cancel family gatherings, quit work, and avoid going out in public.