40-ish..................................49.

Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone.

Athletic................................No breasts.

Average looking.....................Moooo.

Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.

Emotionally Secure..................On medication.

Feminist...............................Fat.

Free Spirit.............................Junkie.

Friendship first.......................Former Slut.

New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.

Old-fashioned........................No B.J.'s

Open-minded.........................Desperate.

Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.

Professional...........................Bitch.

Voluptuous...........................Very fat.

Large frame...........................Hugely fat.

Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.



DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:



Yes.....................................No

No......................................Yes

Maybe.................................No

We need...............................I want

I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry

We need to talk......................You're in trouble

Sure, go ahead........................You better not

Do what you want...................You will pay for this later

I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!

You're very attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?



DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:



I am hungry...........................I am hungry

I am sleepy............................I am sleepy

I am tired..............................I am tired

Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!

I love you..............................Let's have sex now

I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?

May I have this dance?.................I'd like to have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.

Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.

Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.

I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.