Kamala and I (and Jill) are so happy to be standing up today to take over the country, I mean, lead the nation. It's a great day, and I thank you, and our great military, for being here and making this day possible. Now, here's the deal:
You people expected democracy, you people wanted democracy, and you people deserve to have democracy, good and hard. In case, you are wondering I thought that up myself.
Four score and eight years ago, our forefathers brought forth upon this land a new Federal Reserve, a bank unlike any other, a bank that could make all good things possible. It is this bank that I will utilize to make everything better, for everyone. Now, when I say everyone, I mean everyone who is paying their fair share, and Kamala and Nancy will determine that. Both are very clean women.
Jill and I want you to know that we recognize that our country is divided over some things. We believe that government buildings, especially those here in Washington, are sacred and precious. And if anyone says I'm not religious one more time, I'm going to seriously shove the Constitution up their ass.
Sorry folks, it's just that the unforgivable actions of the previous occupant of the white House, for the past four or five or ten years just makes me mad. He should have conceded on November 3rd when the media said I was President-elect. Then he leads a raid of the Capitol building wearing buffalo horns and weird pants…C'mon, man, not a joke!