I CAN'T SLEEP ANYMORE. I wake up in the middle of the night from hallucinatory dreams and don't fall back asleep. I'm obviously not alone with this condition. Sleeplessness and a kind of narcoleptic fatigue that I have all afternoon are gripping the country, actually the globe. Last night, I was locked inside a church and pulling the rotten, moldy, wood slats covering the windows to escape. I kept falling back onto the church floor and seeing bodies against the back wall.
Earlier this summer, as I walked past the hum of the morgue trucks parked outside our neighborhood hospital, I remembered my frequent pilgrimages to the morgue in Sarajevo as people searched for missing family during the war more than a quarter century ago. I can't believe it's that long ago. Watching what's happening around the country, images from the Bosnian war and from years of my past living amid other people's civil wars have crept into my daily and sleepless life. What were the precipitating incidents, what were the signs, when did rage and fear turn to violence, how did the fear defeat hope, was there some measure that could be codified? I don't think we're there yet. In fact, I can't believe we'll ever be there. But neither did they.