FBI: January 6 Capitol Riot "Not an Insurrection"

The FBI's investigation of the January 6 riot at the Capitol concludes that "it was neither an insurrection nor a coup attempt. There is no evidence that anyone organized the incursion. The absence of firearms among the riot participants negates the theory that this was a planned coup. Coups and insurrections are typically better organized. The insurgents bring guns, take hostages, and seize control of important government agencies. That didn't happen. In fact, the only persons carrying and deploying firearms were the Capitol Police."

These findings sparked bipartisan outrage. Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-Ill) complained "the FBI has neglected to do its duty. Everyone knows that Trump told these people to go to the Capitol and stop Joe Biden from being declared president." House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) seconded Kinzinger's view and added "the failure of the FBI to come to the expected conclusion reemphasizes the need for the House to conduct its own investigation. One way or another Trump and his minions must be punished for the most serious attack on our government since the Civil War."

The House has already heard evidence from the Capitol Police. Officer Aquilino Gonell testified that "Trump himself helped create this monstrosity." Officer Harry Dunn testified that "a hit man sent them." Rep. Kinzinger and Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wyo) were both brought to tears by this testimony.

Though hundreds of people who entered the Capitol on January 6 have been languishing in jail, denied bail, and the right to a speedy trial, Judge Beryl Howell questioned whether "we are being too lenient with these people. The only conviction obtained so far is a guilty plea to a misdemeanor charge of trespassing on government property. The presence of this person in the Capitol implicitly entailed 'impeding a police officer'--an offense that is a felony punishable by 20-years in prison."

Plastic COVID Barriers Ineffective

Though science indicates that the mesh on the commonly available masks are too wide to impede more than the tiniest fraction of the virus, they are still being mandated all over the place to try to stop the spread of COVID. Now science is indicating that the plastic barriers used in classrooms, offices, and retail businesses is not really helping reduce virus transmission.

The less permeable plastic barriers can stop spewn virus globs from a sneeze or cough from making a direct hit on a person on the other side of the barrier, but they also impede air flow in the indoor space. Virus particles exhaled during breathing or during conversation are dammed up by the barriers. This allows a concentrated accumulation of virus-saturated air to build up and eventually flow around the barrier where it can infect someone else. In an unbarricaded environment normal air flow turns over the air mass in the room every 15 to 30 minutes.

These new findings are not likely to lead to the elimination of these plastic barriers because as Dr. Anthony Fauci explains "it is important in this time of pandemic panic that people not lose hope. Effective or not, these barriers and masks convey a message of encouragement to people that they are making a contribution in the fight against COVID. The false sense of security that they instill allows people to take risks that they would avoid if they knew the truth. This enables us to get a better picture of how well the vaccines are doing than if people did the only thing that might genuinely protect them from getting infected."

In related news, President Biden has instructed the Department of Justice "to take whatever steps it deems necessary to prevent Republican governors from banning mask mandates in schools. These governors' contention that the decision on whether their child wears a mask belongs to the parents strikes against the unity that I pledged to bring to this country. Letting every family decide for itself defeats our goal of having everyone accept the role we assign them in the fight against this awful disease. Refusing this role is like dodging the draft. It is treason."

Confiscation of Assets Planned

One of the ways the Biden Administration plans to help pay for its very expensive Green New Deal is to levy higher taxes on assets that parents pass down to their children. Under current law, certain inherited assets like farms, real estate, and investments can be left to heirs without being taxed. This enables family businesses to be retained in the family from one generation to the next.

Under the proposed new tax, the son or daughter inheriting the family farm or store would face an immediate bill for the appreciation in value the business has garnered over the lifetime of the bequeathing parent. The amount due would most likely exceed the revenue available from the business. This would necessitate either a sale of the business or a massive infusion of newly borrowed money to pay the tax.

Secretary of the Treasury Janet Yellen called the planned tax change "a matter of equity. Why should a person who has run a successful business be allowed to pass it on to his children? By taxing away this gain in value we can push these properties into stronger hands. During the pandemic family businesses fared poorly. Many had to be closed down to prevent the spread of COVID. Fortunately, the big corporations were able to take up the slack."

Yellen then pivoted to a recent study done by professors at Brown University that discovered there has been a 21% decline in IQ for children born during the pandemic, saying that "the fact is, the next generation may simply lack the intelligence to manage family businesses. I think this makes the case for greater consolidation of assets into mega-corporations, publicly owned industries, and collective farms. This would streamline the economy, eliminate unnecessary redundancies, and give government experts more control over what is produced, who produces it, and how the wealth of the nation is distributed."

Incompetent Withdrawal Sparks Afghan Chaos

This past June, the Biden Administration canceled the Contingency and Crisis Response (CCR) plan that the Trump Administration established for a controlled withdrawal of US troops stationed in Afghanistan. The plan laid out conditions that both the Afghan government and the Taliban would have to adhere to before US troops were removed. These conditions included a truce, shared, and protections for foreigners inside the country while their home nations arranged for their exit from Afghanistan.

Secretary of State Tony Blinken explained that "this plan was unnecessary since the Taliban had given us their word that no one would be hurt and individual rights would be protected as prescribed by Islamic law. We felt confident that withdrawing our troops would pose no danger to American citizens residing in Afghanistan or to the tens of thousands of Afghans who assisted our efforts to stabilize the country. We also saved $50 million--money that can now be better spent on the Green New Deal--by cancelling the CCR."

Cancellation of the plan encouraged the Taliban to ramp up their effort to takeover the country by force—a response that Blinken characterized as "a complete surprise. It appears that the phrase 'as prescribed by Islamic law' authorizes the hanging of traitors, the subjugation of women, and the theft of billions of dollars worth of weapons we abandoned at the Bagram Air Base. We are helpless to assist Americans wanting to leave the country. All we can do is hope they can make their way through the Taliban blockade to the Kabul Airport and bring $2,000 in cash to pay for each person wanting air transport out."

As prescribed by Islamic law, the Taliban has ordered all men to stop shaving their beards, required women to be appropriately covered at all times and forbidden them from leaving the household unless accompanied by a male relative. To demonstrate the seriousness of their intent a woman spotted outdoors alone and without the proper face covering was shot to death. Taliban troops are going house-to-house looking for unbelievers to punish. These include Christians, Jews, and Shiite Muslims—several of whom have been shot. Employees of the fallen Afghan government are being hanged whenever they can be found.

While all this is going on, President Biden insists that "no one is being killed" and "it is perfectly safe for Americans to travel on the streets of Kabul and make their way to the airport. The French, the British, and now the Germans efforts to send rescue teams out to assist their citizens to safety is not necessary. The Taliban have assured me that it is safe for anyone to travel unaccompanied as long as they obey Islamic laws. They have even backed this up by confiscating everyone's guns—a policy that we, unfortunately, have been unable to implement in our own country."

Though the situation in Afghanistan is fraught with danger, Biden contends that "I don't think it could've been handled any better." This opinion was not shared by Vice-President Kamala Harris who declared "you will not pin this sh*t on me." This is big u-turn from her boasting a few months ago about how proud she was that "the President ignored the advice of the generals and opted for total unilateral withdrawal without conditions. This is a president who has an extraordinary amount of courage."

Meanwhile, Taliban commander Muhammed Arif Mustafa vowed that "Islam will conquer the whole world. We have regained a secure base of operations and can resume the attacks that brought America to its knees on 9-11. The open southern border of these unbelievers will allow thousands of our fighters to infiltrate deep into the belly of the Great Satan. They will even provide free transportation to our desired targets while the government reviews our requests for asylum. We will fight until religion is all for Allah. Then there will be peace for all humanity."

In related news, Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas issued a new National Terrorism Advisory System (NTAS) Bulletin declaring that "those who think the 2020 election was stolen and those who resist the government's anti-COVID mandates constitute the most serious threat to national security. I know a lot of people think that those who blow up buildings and kill people like what happened on 9-11 are the greatest threat, but buildings and people can easily be replaced. Distrust of and disloyalty toward the government undermine the unity necessary for the collective well-being of all of us. This is the threat we must concentrate our efforts on defeating."

Vaccines Not Mandated for White House Staff

Though President Biden has been busy ordering federal employees, nursing home employees, and military personnel to take the COVID vaccines and encouraging private employers and state governors to make vaccination a condition of employment, he has not required White House staff to get vaccinated.

"The President feels that those who work directly for him are a better class of people and that it would be wrong for him to intrude upon their right to control what goes into their bodies," Press Secretary Jen Psaki explained. "He feels very strongly that the 'my body, my choice' paradigm that bolsters his position that abortions must must available to whoever wants them also should mean that those serving at the highest levels of government should also have the right not be forced to get vaccinated."

"He also feels confident that his staff will choose wisely without being coerced," Psaki said. "Loyalty is very important to him and everybody who works here knows it. They also know that he will know whether they are vaccinated or not because he has access to all their personal information since the day they were born. It is the disloyal half of the population that he is most concerned about. For now all the coercion will be applied to them."

Microscopic Clots Found in Majority of Vaccinated

Canadian Dr. Charles Hoffe has administered 900 doses of the Moderna mRNA vaccine. After a number of these patients complained of persistent fatigue he decided to test for blood clots. He found that 62% of these vaccinated patients had microscopic blood clots. While these clots are not large enough to cause a immediate health danger, he is concerned that from a longer term perspective the vaccines might pose a serious risk.

He speculates that "the vaccines stimulate the body to produce billions of spike proteins. The hope is that these will cue the body's immune system to develop antibodies to the spike protein in the COVID that enables the virus to grab onto and infect a person's cells. The problem is that it is the spike protein in COVID that causes respiratory failure in COVID's victims by interfering with blood flow through the lungs. Microscopic blood clots from billions of vaccine spikes can also interfere with blood flow in the lungs."

"Clogged capilaries in the lungs make the heart have to work harder," Hoffe said. "This is called pulmonary artery hypertension – high blood pressure in the lungs because the blood simply cannot get through effectively. People with this condition usually die of heart failure within a few years."

Dr. Peter McCullough pointed out that "the reason why the lungs of COVID patients fail is not because the virus is there. It is because micro blood clots are there. It is the spicule on the ball of the virus itself which damages blood vessels and causes blood clotting. Introducing these spicules via a vaccine is a risk that can only be justified for those most vulnerable—the elderly with compromised immune systems or co-morbidities. They are not safe to use on people at a low risk of dying of COVID—which constitutes the vast majority of the population."

Dr. Ryan Cole also contends that "the vaccines themselves cause disease. The outrageously high number of deaths reported for people recently vaccinated makes it imperative that there be more autopsies to determine if and how these vaccines may be harming people."

Dr. Anthony Fauci dismissed the concerns "of these vaccine fearmongers. The notion that microscopic blood clots that no one can see could be so dangerous is something I've never heard of. The call for more autopsies is absurd. Autopsies are only needed if foul play is suspected. We don't need them when a person dies of natural causes like lung failure or heart attacks. The fact is that vaccines save lives. There is no proof that they are harmful to anyone. Allowing erroneous ideas to circulate fuels the resistance to our plan to achieve the 100% vaccination rate that is our only chance of killing this virus once and for all."

In related news, laboratory studies conducted by Keele University and the University of Birmingham, both in the United Kingdom, and the San Raffaele Scientific Institute in Milan found that fenofibrate, a cheap generic drug, reduces SARS-CoV-2 infection in human cells by up to 70%. The FDA immediately warned US doctors that they could lose their license to practice medicine if they prescribe this drug to any COVID sufferers. "This drug is only approved for treating high cholesterol," the unsigned statement read. "Its use for any other purpose will trigger disciplinary action."