I used to enjoy watching the Olympics. When I was still young and naive, I actually rooted for Americans in all events. I loved the diving in particular, and the female gymnastics was fun to watch as well. America took the moral high ground, and only allowed amateurs to compete for them. Unlike the dirty, rotten commie Soviets.

They stripped the medals won by Jim Thorpe in the 1912 Olympics from him, when it was discovered that he'd played semi-professional baseball beforehand. American leaders got a lot of mileage out of that one; the man who was for a long time considered the greatest athlete who ever lived, lost his medals because we were better than the communists, who trained and sent professional athletes to compete. Against our wide-eyed, innocent amateurs. When USA only won the bronze medal in basketball at the 1988 Olympics, suddenly all that moral fervor was forgotten. And so we formed the "Dream Team" of NBA greats, so they would easily win the gold in men's basketball. And they did, proudly hoisting the same medals that poor Jim Thorpe had stolen from him. For the record, Jim Thorpe never made millions of dollars dunking a ball. Thorpe, in fact, ravaged by alcoholism, died in poverty.