by Cj Hopkins

Today's edition of the Two Minutes Hate, brought to you by GloboCap, Inc., and featuring an all-star line-up of GloboCap Goldsteins, will begin shortly. Please take your seat and switch off your remaining critical faculties. We've got a butt-load of hate in store for you today. First, though, a few important announcements.

First, due to the increased number of Goldsteins threatening the very fabric of democracy, and GloboCap, Inc., and its global partners, and their assorted subsidiaries, agents, and assigns, the Two Minutes Hate has been extended beyond its traditional two-minute running time and will henceforth be presented more or less around the clock until further notice.

Also, in a departure from the original Two Minutes Hate in Orwell's 1984, we're going to skip the opening "this is our land" part, which is (a) dated and (b) unacceptably unrepresentative of the racial, ethnic, and gender diversity of the New Normal Reich …