A funny thing happened last night, at a remarkable event in London in celebration of free speech with Russell Brand and Michael Shellenberger. Before the proceedings Michael suggested we give prepared remarks. I wrote a speech, tinkering with it at night on the plane over, then all day after landing. At the event Michael stood before the large crowd and extemporaneously delivered a rousing address. I slid what I wrote under a chair.

Though I did end up mumbling a few things from memory, this is the whole speech, as written:

It's heartening to see so many faces here in London, to talk about the crisis of free speech around the globe, or to protest censorship, or whatever it is we're doing exactly. Before we begin, I think it's important to make a distinction. Unlike Russell and the rest of our hosts, Michael and I, and a few of us in the crowd, are Americans. For us, belief in unfettered free speech is a core part of our character. It's a big reason that we Americans enjoy the wonderful reputation we do all around the world, especially here in Europe, where (I'm sorry to tell you) we hear you whispering to the restaurant hostess that you'd like to be seated at the table as far away from us as possible.