Yes, for those lucky souls who are so blissfully detached from the 24/7 newsfeeds that you haven't heard yet, I bring you the news that the longest-reigning monarch in British history, Queen Elizabeth II, is dead.

It's tempting to interpret the double rainbow that appeared over Buckingham Palace when Her Royal Lowness kicked the royal bucket as a sign that her death is indeed a present from God, but—as I am always at pains to observe upon such occasions—the death of an unrepentant sinner is no victory and there is no solace in the removal of but one of the Hydra's many heads. If anything, the reign of King Charles will doubtless be even more ignoble than that of his mother.