Rather than just babble every few days about how the Wuhan coronavirus (Covid-19) is supposedly "spiking" because people are gathering with friends and family for the holidays, Fauci envisions assuming an even more ridiculous role whereby he is allowed to probe ever more deeply into Americans' personal lives with Biden's permission.

"I'm perfectly comfortable with the role that I'm in, but certainly if the president of the United States wants me to do something else, I'd seriously consider it," Fauci squeaked during a recent interview, pretending as though people actually take his existence seriously.

Biden recently told reporters that his team has been in touch with Fauci about the planned transition, revealing that the elf-like government employee who has worked at the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) for the past nearly 40 years has "been very, very helpful" in doing, well, something that makes Biden happy.