12-D chess master Putin then used that mind-controlled puppet to increase sanctions on Russia, expel dozens of Russian diplomats, sell arms to Ukraine, withdraw from the INF treaty, build up NATO troops on the Russian border, stage a coup in Venezuela, and generally make life worse for Russia as part of his grand scheme to enable the rise of a new Russian Empire.

Mind-controlling the US public with hundreds of dollars of Facebook Jesus memes, this modern-day Czar carefully rigged the election by (not) hacking into any voting systems and by (not) hacking into the DNC servers, revealing that the DNC had rigged the election against 27 Dollars and in favour of Why Aren't I 50 Points Ahead, You Might Ask.

Luckily, the valiant US media was all over the case.

The intelligence agencies knew what to do.

And Saint Mueller was on the job commanding an army of 40 agents, 2,800 subpoenas, 500 search warrants, 500 witnesses 230 communication records and a partridge in a pear tree, so we all knew that the walls are closing in.