Congratulations, and good luck solving your real problem.

At the moment, the Oscars epitomize the industry they were created to promote: confused. Defensive. Chagrined, temporarily. Buckling under the weight of nearly a century of sexism, misogyny, racism and fashion mishaps.

Can an American tradition nearly twice the age of the Super Bowl ever regain its relevance and its ratings?

To recap: Wednesday Kevin Hart was announced as the next Oscars host. On Thursday, refusing to muster a legitimate apology for homophobic slurs in tweets and stand-up routines past, the popular comedian, movie star and self-branding expert "resigned." Between Lena Dunham and Kevin Hart, the art of the apology has rarely seen a less skillful couple of days.

Eventually Hart apologized, more or less, and by doing so he did all of us a favor.

He spared us the prospect of a middling, motor-mouth talent with a massive social media presence sweating to keep a bloated, antiquated hunk of network television under three hours.