If you fall asleep or use the bathroom during your next flight, those incriminating facts could be added to your federal dossier. Likewise, if you use your laptop or look at noisy children seated nearby with a "cold, penetrating stare," that may be included on your permanent record. If you fidget, sweat or have "strong body odor" — BOOM! the feds are onto you.

Welcome to the latest profiling idiocy from the Transportation Security Administration. TSA's Quiet Skies surveillance program is spurring federal air marshals to target dozens of Americans each day on the flimsiest of pretexts. The secret program, first exposed by Jana Winter in The Boston Globe, is security theater at its best. 

What does it take to become a Quiet Skies target? "The criteria for surveillance appear fluid. Internal agency emails show some confusion about the program's parameters and implementation," The Globe noted. 

Anyone who has recently traveled to Turkey can apparently be put on the list — as well as people "possibly affiliated" with someone on a terrorist watchlist (which contains more than a million names). The program is so slipshod that it has targeted at least one airline flight attendant and a federal law enforcement agent.