The Atlantic, a once-great magazine, has determined that the total eclipse of the sun due to occur on Monday will fail to affect enough black people.

The Atlantic's very lengthy essay on the failure of the eclipse to occur where a sufficient number of black people reside is entitled "American Blackout." It clocks in at a remarkable 4,544 words and does not appear to be satire.

Concerning "the Great American Eclipse," Brooklyn Law School professor Alice Ristroph writes in the rapidly deteriorating magazine, "there live almost no black people" "along most of its path."

The Atlantic's longwinded law professor assures readers that "implicit bias of the solar system" is "presumably" not the cause of eclipse's failure to affect enough black people.

"Still, an eclipse chaser is always tempted to believe that the skies are relaying a message."