Instead, encourage and provoke them to turn the turmoil up to 11, a number most of these students can't count to without taking off their Nikes. No, we want the campuses to echo with the whiny cries of the Children of the Safe Space Revolution.

And we will sit back and point and laugh as the weak-willed, spineless liberal losers of academia abase themselves before their whimpering student bodies. This is just great. As Napoleon observed, never interrupt your enemy while he's making a mistake. Now, mentioning Napoleon probably a microaggression because, in the unlikely event that the gender studies and Marxist interpretive dance majors of Yale and Missouri recognize the name, he's a cis-het dead white male – and he was not actually differently abled despite being vertically challenged. Still, his advice has merit – just pretend for a moment that he is trans woman-identifying being of color of some sort.