The doorbell rings. Which is odd, because I didn't order anything, and no one's supposed to come over. I'm snapped out of my confusion by a second ring, and I bound down the two flights of stairs to answer the door. It's the FedEx guy. He hands me a brown package with black tape advertising the Fire Phone, hikes up his shorts, and walks away. I definitely didn't order anything, but it does have my name on it… so I open it up.

Four light bulbs, 60 watts.

What the hell? What kind of weird troll is it to send someone four light bulbs? I start to filter through the box to find a receipt with a billing address—and suddenly, the lamp by my desk flickers out.