Today the kids and I will formally withdraw the colors — taking down
our large Bears banner in front of the house to mark the end of the
season for our team. My only concern is that the performance of the
Bears lends credence to the Mayan prediction of the end of the world in
2012. As God’s team, it is only natural that the apocalypse would begin
with this catastrophic season for the Bears — and countervailing
success of the Packers. For Bears fans, we will now welcome the End of
Times . . . if it will only happen before the Packers win a second
Superbowl.
Yesterday at our New Year’s party, we cleansed the flag of bad
spirits using a “smudge stick” I bought from a Native American Indian
store in Salt Lake city. We decided we had to call in the supernatural
to rid the spirits that plagued our team this year. The funny thing is
that the smudge stick made of sage smelled just like marijuana. We had
roughly 120 people at the party who were convinced that someone was
smoking a heap of weed. Many seemed distinctly disappointed to find the
kids waving a smudge stick, but insisted that their interest in finding
the source was purely curiosity from growing up in the Sixties.
In celebration for an exciting (though disappointing season), I give you
my favorite play of the year: Jerome Simpson, Cincinnati Bengals wide
receiver, doing a front flip into the end zone to score a touchdown on
Dec. 24, 2011.